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Story by Intrepid Reporter ACG Editor's note: I thought about modifying this to make it more of a Clinic story, but it's so darn good I left it in original form.
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - Wildlife officers can't find him.
Trappers can't find him.
Police officers can't find him.
But apparently, a monkey that has managed to elude capture for months can be found on Facebook.
After being spotted in a tree Wednesday, the monkey, which is thought to be a male 30-pound rhesus macaque, led wildlife and police officials on a five-hour chase. In the end, the monkey remained on the lam.
Pinellas County wildlife expert Vernon Yates managed to hit the animal with a tranquilizer dart. It became sedated and appeared to fall asleep while clinging to a branch in the top of a tree. When a second tranquilizer dart was fired at the primate, it awoke and then bolted from the tree.
The chase was then on as officials tried to keep up with the animal as it jumped from tree to tree. It eventually jumped on the ground and quickly ran from authorities.
"It was extremely agile, like I'm talking Spiderman agile," said Marc Ortiz after he tried tackling the monkey.
By early Thursday morning, the monkey had two pages on Facebook.
One is called Gomonkey Go and was created by St. Petersburg resident Kurt Thompson.
"I have been following the monkey story for the last few months, and I thought he needed a voice," Thompson said. "I thought this was really funny, and my girlfriend agreed."
As of 6:30 a.m. Thursday, Gomonkey Go had 33 friends on Facebook. Thompson's goal is to gain 100 friends in 24 hours.
He's got some competition.
Someone else created a Facebook fan page called Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay.
Early Thursday morning, the page's status update read: "You think two darts is going to slow me down... Hahahahahah Suka!"
An earlier status update read: "Had a close call today but I move with the quickness......."
Under personal interests, Mystery Monkey lists "primate" as his affiliation, and "bananas" and "messing with the popo" among his interests.
We deal with a lot of scary things at the Clinic, like Drew with a rocket launcher in hand. That's all pixel and pretend, though and real life scares can be much worse, naturally.
Have you ever had a mundane work problem get crazy on you? Yeah, me, too. Just be glad you're not the guy who snapped this picture. I'm sure he better understood why his printer was in sleep mode all day and seemed more active at night.
The Amur region in Russia's Far East was hit by yellow snow, Elena Pechkina, a regional meteorologist, told RIA Novosti on Friday.
High winds in Mongolia mixed the clouds from a front with dust and sand, crossed northern China, and then dumped the unique-colored snow in Russia.
"This type of precipitation is not harmful to the residents of the area and no additional analyses will be done," Pechkina said.
Intrepid Mental Clinic reporters are never satisfied by the official line, however, and we dug deeper.
"It is my project," admitted Firethem. "I had to try to test this in an area where Clinicians wouldn't suspect it. I've figured out how to fire Jarate into the air and cause everyone on the map to suffer minicrits. It really isn't harmful unless you're hit by a rocket, bullet or fire."
People who don't like to be peed on disagree this isn't harmful. "It's at least really icky," commented Sai.
As it turns out, Firethem picked a really cold day to test his new weapon, and it turned into yellow snow. Despite his claims it's harmless, we still suggest you don't eat it.
It may seem odd, but the locals swear it's true. People in The Mental Clinic Server have recently reported a number of odd sightings, and journalists are now trying to stalk the creatures.
It started with a marsupial a few weeks ago. The descriptions given by the apparent eyewitnesses seem close enough. For years they have spoken of a beige animal with large ears, one to 1.5 meters (three to five feet) tall, that stands by the roadside and then hops away, but it had been missing for months, and suddenly reappeared.
Not long after, the elusive director of the facility was reportedly spotted wearing a sunflower bonnet. Scientists say getting too close may scare the creatures off, while offering them poutine and liquor may draw them back for more frequent visits.
A Swedish pilot with a fake commercial license was arrested in his cockpit at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport as he prepared to fly 101 passengers on a Boeing 737 to Turkey, Dutch police said Wednesday, March 3rd.
The 41 year-old Swede, who was at the helm of a jet bound for Ankara, had been flying for 13 years and logged more than 10,000 flight hours using forged documents for airlines in Belgium, Britain and Italy, authorities said.
"It all started to get at a pesky sniper who liked to fly low over tough maps and snipe from cockpits," admitted Superfly after being released on bail. "I got him, but found I like flying aircraft. I've been doing it so long I think I forgot it was just one of my disguises. Now I have to figure out what my real identity is."
Authorities were not hopeful about finding that real identity. "There are way too many real-looking documents in his room," reported Captain Mental, director of the facility in which Superfly stays. "We have no idea who this guy really is, but we know he's good with a butterfly knife."
